Lessons in Life

I feel under attack. It's not the first time in my life I've felt this way, by any means - throughout my 19 years, I have had numerous people weaken my defenses with the nasty things they say or do, and I've always wished I were the kind of person who can brush it off and say "I don't care what you think about me... I am who I am."
I wish I could smile in the face of hatred and ridicule, but I am weak. I care too much. I want so desperately to be a Christ-like figure that when I trip up in public, my heart can hardly stand it.
Even christians can't be perfect; I understand that, but I can't seem to accept it from myself.

This weekend, the devil used me to attack a girl's insecurities. I am upset, angry, and furious with the sin that traps my weak, human body. He then took my anger and created a huge mess, but as usual, God is working everything out for the good. I am fighting with my roommate, but He is opening my eyes to the true meaning of loving your enemies and praying for those who persecute you. I have never been so angry with someone, and only He can calm my spirit and turn that anger into overflowing love. I need to be persistent in prayer, and trust that He will turn my heart around. He has a lot of work to do in my life, that's for sure...

Despite all the recent events, I haven't been this happy since I was riding five horses every day at Griffin Farms four years ago.
God is with me, and He is good to me. He has blessed me with a beautiful, opportunistic life completed by a desire to serve Him. He is molding me every day, and sometimes I have to learn the hard way, but it's worth the lessons. :)